Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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