Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize