So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
