Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
