i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
