woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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