He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
