He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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