Your face is a jimmy john
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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