Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the day after is always just damage control
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
