I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
