ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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