dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
