chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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