i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think weed is turning my hair brown
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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