I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
