Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've blown a few things in my day
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize