You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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