Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
