i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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