I wanna bring you to show and tell
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
