can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
