U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
