Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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