apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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