Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
