3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Actions speak louder than pants.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
