Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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