my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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