Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
