I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
