i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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