Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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