JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
