dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
