I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
