Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No subtext here. People are naked.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
