My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
