mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
