i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
