i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
