Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
