i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
