I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
