you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How naked do you want me to be?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
