Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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