Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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