hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
