whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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