Ketchup is God's man juice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
