Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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