You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
