3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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