Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
