no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
