In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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