come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize