I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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