Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
