I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
