Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's official drugs can't kill me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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