I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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