i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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