DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
