I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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