i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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